


Dean’s Nonexistent Endurance to Bullshit

by Yifera



Series: Gossip from the Bunker [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Set on Season 14, still a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 22:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18375533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yifera/pseuds/Yifera
Summary: Direct sequel of "Sam's Stupidly Attractive Beard"Sam is determined to know what was that Cas meant exactly. It goes as expected, and it would be fine if Sam was just able to cope with it. Luckily, Dean saves the day.





	Dean’s Nonexistent Endurance to Bullshit

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning, you probably won't be able to understand much of the context if you haven't read the first part!
> 
> SO, I wasn't planning to actually post a sequel, but this has been sitting half finished for some time in my computer and... well, damn, why not? (I don't know if anyone who actually wanted it will read this but if you do, wink wink, go to the comment box and let me know)
> 
> Okay, here goes!

Sam finds Cas, as expected, in the storage room.

When he opens the door the angel is on his knees, staring intently at a drawer’s insides, and Sam’s not entirely sure if he’s assessing what he’s looking at or just lost in thought. Sam clears his throat after some long silent seconds. Cas snaps his head up.

“Oh, hello, Sam.”

A subtle smile curls on Cas’ lips before he returns his attention to the drawer, this time he starts putting out items and setting them aside with care. He has put some old leather gloves on —probably as a precaution— and for some reason, Sam finds it stupidly attractive. He shakes his head, wondering where that thought had popped up from.

“Do you need help?” Sam decides to ask because clearly, he hasn’t planned ahead on how to approach him besides blurting _do you really like me_ and see what would come of it.

Cas shakes his head. “I don’t think so. It’s not that hard to find particular items now that everything is better organized.” His smile widens as he looks up at Sam again. “Thanks to you.”

Well, it seems like Cas is way better at making him flustered than Sam had anticipated. He scratches the back of his neck. “I had... you know, help.”

“Little. Don’t sell yourself short, Sam. This one is all you.”

“Okay,” Sam sighs, walking closer until he can sit on his heels by Cas' side. Blue eyes follow him, and after a moment Cas tilts his head a little to the side.

“As much as I enjoy it, I'm guessing you are not here just to grace me with your company.”

Damn, Sam curses internally. Cas has always been one to just say whatever is in his mind, but has he always been this goddamn _smooth_? Sam lets his head fall forward and laughs shortly, half because Cas is absolutely right, half to try lighten the nervous flutter settling in his stomach.

“Yeah, you're right, Cas, I...” he bites the inside of his cheek for a second, before continuing. “I'm just... confused? No— more like, curious about... Well, what you just said back there?”

“Oh,” Cas smile twitches. His gaze is direct and soft on Sam, it sends some kind of thrill down his back, but Sam has the feeling Cas is finding this somewhat funny. “What is it that you are curious about?”

“Um, for starters... if you were serious. Or more like... how serious were you?” Sam closes his eyes, cursing his sudden inability to speak clearly. He chuckles through his embarrassment. “I mean, I can’t really see you having a ‘crush’.”

“On you, you mean?” Cas states calmly.

Sam ducks his head and keeps himself silent, not really denying it. With his eyes on the floor, he sees Cas’ knees rotate towards him as he re-positions himself to better face him.

“I have no problem explaining myself, Sam, but as far as I know, talking about these things can make humans turn their friendships awkward, or even end them... and I have no desire for that to happen.” Cas voice is smooth and unhurried, but when Sam looks up he’s met with a slightly worried frown. “I am sorry if what I said back there was uncomfortable for you, I’ll be sure to not make it a habit.”

“No, no, Cas, I—”

Sam swallows and stops for a moment, because he understands what Cas means. He's sure all the pop culture uploaded in Cas brain has taught him a great deal about humanity's unhealthy coping mechanisms. Still, at this point, leaving the subject hanging in the air feels far worse for Sam. For some reason, he needs to know.

“I won’t do something like that, Cas. You're my friend and my family first. Believe me, no matter what you say, that won’t change.”

Cas smiles again at that, the worry lines on his forehead smoothing out into nothing. He shuffles a little in his spot, letting his hands fall onto his knees and breathing deeply.

“Well, you did ask, so...” Cas says slowly, his eyes haven't left Sam but somehow they seem even more focused now. Sam finds himself holding his breath. “Sam Winchester, I find you to be one of the most selfless, smart and brave human beings I’ve had the pleasure to meet and live enough to call family. You are also an extremely attractive man so...” He huffs with a little smile. “...even when a little childish, back there I did find the loss of your beard to be quite tragic... Although I do think the term falls somewhat short, you can qualify it as a ‘crush’, if you may.”

Cas does his trademark exaggerated air quotes at the word and Sam has to smile a bit, even when he exhales as he does and it sounds a bit like he’s choking. The way Cas has basically confessed, so calmly as if he were talking about his favorite species of bees, is probably making Sam feel more shock than if Cas had been all over the place about it.

“Wow, that’s... um...”

Sam tries to find the words and fails. This is so unexpected, so new... and at the same time, it's not at all.

They had known each other for a decade for Christ’s sake, probably the only other person he knew better than Cas was Dean... More than once Sam had probed at the idea that Cas could have those kinds of feelings for a human, and he had already reached the conclusion that it would just be natural, given the angel's love for humanity. Sam had just never thought he could be that person. He guessed that said a lot about how 'human' he felt most days.

“You never... I mean —I guess our lives are always a mess to bring these things up but... I’m surprised it never came up.” It sounds a little bit like a question, and maybe it is, Sam doesn’t feel like he can make _any_ kind of statement right now.

Castiel nods, hums as he thinks about it, and Sam wishes he could be even half as collected as Cas looks.

“I guess it hasn't been that long since I had a moment to sit down and acknowledge it myself. I also have never tried to make it known to you or Dean. But... I did think I was still kind of obvious.” His eyes narrow. “Or maybe I’ve just been talking a lot with Jack lately.”

Sam has to laugh at that, it’s a bit reassuring seeing that Cas seems to be figuring it out himself as he talks about it. He doesn’t look like he is waiting for an immediate answer from Sam. And Sam isn’t sure if he would be able to provide one anyway.

“Maybe you have.” He averts his eyes, looking around the room as he scratchs at the back of his neck, tugging a little at his hair there. “When... um, when are you guys leaving?”

Cas waves his hands towards the still open drawer. “As soon as I pack some more of these and Jack gets some rest in bed.”

Sam nods and, in a gesture he hopes is reassuring, reaches forward to pat Cas’ shoulder. “Alright, please tell me if you need anything, okay? Sorry about the... um, interrogation.”

“It was no trouble.” Cas looks up at him as Sam gets to his feet, the slightly worried frown comes back in full force. “Is everything good, Sam?”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Sam mumbles as he walks backwards to the door, having no idea what to do with his hands he clasps them together awkwardly. “All good. I’ll see you around, Cas.”

 

 

.

 

 

Sam really does make an effort to make it 'all good'. To just keep acting normal around Cas from that moment on.

There are some unseen problems with that though.

First of all, he has to face the unfair reality that the concept 'act normal' just keeps slipping through his fingers whenever he needs to make a conscient use of it.

Instead, now whenever Cas lingers near Sam or looks over his shoulder to look at what he's reading or smiles fondly in his direction... Sam finds himself hyper-aware —and honestly, kind of worried— about how he should respond. He doesn't want Cas to think he's uncomfortable with him now, not by a long shot, and yet, he finds it would be equally cruel to accidentally lead him on by being 'too friendly' or something.

The second problem comes in the form of several of the unsubtle and nosy hunters that form their little bunker family.

The looks and smiles and whispers all around whenever Sam so much as mentions Cas are starting to get under his skin and he's one comment away from glaring and treating everyone as if they were kindergarten kids instead of full grown adults. He can really tell most of them try to be professional, but they must find their intern gossip extremely juicy because even _his own mother_ sometimes lets something slip.

Sam needs a fucking break.

Specially since Sam's last problem resides in the fact that the more time he spends with Cas, the more he feels this _neediness_  in his chest. A pounding want to just... reciprocate his affections. And quite suddenly it feels as if instead of mindfully respecting Cas feelings, Sam is holding _his own_ feelings back. Feelings that only some days ago, he didn't even know he had. It is when Sam finds himself stealing glances at Cas whenever he isn’t looking, that he realizes... he's _pinning_.

Cas opened the door to a whole new kind of thinking and Sam has thrown himself right through it. Now, he is unable to look at the patient, handsome, fucking perfect angel he has for a friend and not _long_ for him. He curses himself, it’s not as if Sam has a lot of experience about being attracted to men, but he damn well does with _falling_ for the wrong people. 

Not that Cas falls into the wrong people category. He's far from wrong. Good, he is definitely good, much too good but... he is also not people. Or is he? Jesus, focus, Sam. You are way too busy falling in love with your friend to get into logistics now. Falling in love. God. That escalated quickly.

So, in the end, all is definitely not good.

He tries for it to be, but the more he thinks about it to try and come to terms with it, the more he gets all unfocused and jumpy whenever Cas is around. And even though Cas had explicitly said he wouldn’t say anything for fear of making their friendship awkward, even when Sam had assured him that would not happen... eventually the pressure of his own thoughts gets to Sam and he panics like he’s some kind of teenager, proceeding to avoid Cas as much as he can get away with.

He feels like a total asshole every single second of it, and seeing those blue eyes follow him around in frustrated confusion tugs and breaks something inside of him.

The worst is that, logically, this shouldn’t be a problem. He already knows Cas likes him —he had basically left no possible doubt about that— so if it turns that Sam likes him in return, everything should be fine. Except it's not. Sam's head keeps screaming like a possesed baby that _everything is not fine,_ and Sam doesn't even know where to start to fix it or to stop being an absolute jerk about it. He honestly wouldn’t blame Cas if he approached Sam and punched him out of pure frustration.

He can feel his change of behavior getting noticed by the rest of the hunters too. Although he’s also pretty sure they wouldn't have if they weren't paying him and Cas the attention one would expect out of a tennis play. Thankfully this time, besides some worried glaces, no one openly comments on it. Out of respect for their leader, Sam assumes. He's glad he still has some of that left.

But, of course, there's one person who doesn't give a single flying fuck about that. So, not long after one particularly awkward meeting, Sam finds himself cornered by Dean.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing?”

Sam wonders exactly the same, but he might as well slam his head on the nearest wall and hope the concussion will straighten out his head cause he just goes ahead and _plays dumb_. “What are you talking about?”

Dean could say Sam has a great ‘bitchface’ all he wants, but Sam doesn't think it has anything on the way Dean mockingly repeats Sam's words while rolling his eyes so hard they basically turn white for a moment. Before Sam can protest, Dean has taken him by the arm and pushed him into a more secluded corner of the room. Not that it's not already empty, but still some part of Sam's brain appreciates the symbolic gesture to seek privacy.

“Cas, Sam! I’m talking about Cas,” Dean whispers sharply. “You are driving him up the wall with this weird silent treatment you have going on!” Dean crosses his arms then and huffs. “Look, Sam. I have no interest in getting into your love life, but he’s my best friend. Did you guys had your first fight or something?”

“What? No, Dean, we're not—” Sam breathes in through his nose, trying to tone down the high pitch his voice had taken. “We are not like that.” He feels childish when he doesn't find anything else to add.

Dean blinks. Once. Twice. There's a moment where Sam swears Dean just stares right into his brain, dissecting and analizing and probably even coming up with some conclusion Sam himself hadn’t been able to find in several days.

“You're telling me,” He starts, and Sam can already tell this will sting. “That Cas confessed he has the hots for you in the most memorable way I could wish to mock you for the rest of our lives...”

“Wow, thanks, Dean.”

“And instead of taking the chance, you decide to ignore him and make everyone who has to look at you both for more than two seconds want to either run away or grab the nearest weapon to end your suffering?”

“Dean, I...” Sam fidgets in place, looks around a little even when he already knows they are alone, before finally facing his brother with his whole body. He still lowers his voice. “I can’t just jump into it. I can’t take this as simply as if it were a hook up on the side of the road. This is Cas!”

“Exactly, it’s Cas,” Dean intercedes, his voice dripping disapproval. “And he’s not going to fucking unfriend you if something does go wrong... Which, let me guess, is what’s stopping you from doing what you both want!”

Sam shakes his head, but the slow unwinding that's happening in his chest does hint to him that _this_ was something that definitely was bothering him.

Maybe talking with Dean is actually just what he needs. Sam searches his mind, tries to pry open whatever other fears he had been harvesting around the topic. He finds one.

“And you... are okay with it? Don’t you think it could make things complicated?”

Dean sighs. “Sam. We’ve been through hell, we’ve killed for, died for and resurrected each other who knows how many times.” His eyes soften, but he keeps his arms crossed and his tone stern. “Are you telling me you wouldn’t do it all over again for Cas?”

Sam almost feels offended by the question. “Yes, of course.”

“There you go. We're already as dysfunctional and co-dependent as we can get,” Dean says as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. And really, it kind of is for them. “What actual difference would it make if you two added smooches to the mix?”

“Jesus,” Sam just has to laugh then. The lightness in his chest grows. “You're ridiculous.”

Dean smirks with no shame at all. “I’m also right. Now, go find your boyfriend.”

 

 

.

 

 

Cas —as expected— looks quite pissed when Sam tells him he wants to talk in private, but he immediately nods and follows him as if he had been one second away from asking the same. They end up in the same storage room they talked in last time.

“I know I'm not entitled to be mad at you, Sam,” Cas says before Sam can say anything first. “But this is exactly what I wanted to avoid.”

Sam closes the door behind him carefully. “Yes, I know but...”

“I am not expecting anything from you, Sam. I am not going to treat you differently because I have feelings for you, nor am I going to feel miserable if you don’t—”

“Cas, stop.” Sam reaches a hand out towards his friend, getting a little closer. “I know, and I’m sorry, I haven't been mature about this at all, I...”

He sighs, tries to keep his eyes on Cas, but they randomly fixate on anything around him.

“The truth is that I normally can see these things coming... well, usually the other person is a woman but that’s not really it, the point is...”

It’s hard to get to the point. Talking with Dean made the whole issue feel so simple and straightforward. But it's not the same when facing Cas, it makes all kinds of doubts and old wounds resurface. They make his skin itch and burn. Sam eventually manages to take a deep breath and exhale it out.

“I just don’t know how to approach this with you, Cas. I mean, the thought is new and thrilling, but also a little scary. You're an angel and I’ve been solely seeing you as a friend until only merely days ago and... I haven’t had any kind of real relationship with anyone for years...”

Sam groans, somehow he feels like he’s screwing things up more than he’s clarifying them. And indeed, he feels Cas tense at his side.

"I know of this, and like I said," Cas starts and his voice has dropped a few octaves, he sounds pained. "I am not expecting anything, Sam. I don't want you to feel obliged to justify—"

"My horrible behaviour, Cas, that's... all I'm trying to justify," Sam quickly cuts in, because of course Cas thinks he's rejecting him. He breathes in, feeling a bit more determined, he raises his head, takes a step forward and only continues when Cas looks up at him. "Cas... all I'm trying to say is that it’s been a long time since I had to check on these kind of feelings. And I guess under all my past romantic baggage and other stuff Dean has already kicked out of me, I just wanted to make sure that I... you know...” He gestures at Cas, clears his throat. “That I feel the same as you do.”

Sam knows, he just knows he’s blushing, but he dares someone to be the victim of Cas’ intense gaze during such a heartfelt monologue and not feel even a bit flustered.

He somehow manages to finish instead of leaving the words in the air for Cas to complete. “And, after a lot of thinking and douchery on my part, it seems that I do...”

There’s a silence where Cas breathes in deep. His expression is no longer tense, but open and hopeful, searching for something in Sam’s eyes, maybe certainty, he takes a step closer and asks in a low voice. “Sam, are you sure?”

Sam swallows, feeling a bit lightheaded he slowly nods. “You are an amazing creature, Cas. It’s a little hard to not feel things for you when given the opportunity.” He smiles a little, because it’s true, and he’s not really ashamed to let Cas know that.

Cas eyes don’t leave him for a moment and damn it, Sam couldn’t look away now even if he wanted to. “Does that mean... you would like to start a relationship with me?”

Sam's breath comes in a bit shaky. “I would like to try, I mean... if that’s what you want—”

“I do,” Cas talks over him, blue eyes big and earnest. “I really do.”

Sam’s face is hot. Relief and affection floods his chest like a wave and he can't help but grin. “Okay.”

Cas’ hand reaches for him then. And stops. It hangs suspended in mid-air as Cas looks down at it and then up at Sam, unsure.

“What is it?” Sam mutters.

“I... think I understand all that you said. About being uncertain and having too much to think about. All of it seems complicated and I only want you to feel at ease.” Cas clenches his hand and lets it fall at his side. “Sadly, I have no experience with this kind of relationship, not personally. So I am not sure how to proceed now.”

Sam breathes out, nodding, wondering himself what he should do. Now that all is said —well, not all, but the important nerve-wracking bits— he really wants to explore this thing between them. He really does. It also makes him twitch in nervousness at the simple thought of it.

“I don’t know either... I could...” Sam takes another tiny step closer, Cas has to start tilting his head up to look at his eyes. “We are already pretty close, maybe we can try something we aren't used to doing and we can see from there?”

Cas nods immediately and Sam can’t help but smile down at him, at how eager he looks, at how much trust he immediately puts in Sam. It's funny how it dawns on him then, when Cas is just standing still and waiting, how he sees just how beautiful Cas is. How he always has been.

After a moment of hesitation, Sam puts both hands on Cas’ shoulders. This, he has done a lot of times before. It’s a familiar touch, a completely innocuous one, but this time Sam tries to linger, to think what he wants to do besides just lay his hands there, now that he knows he can do more. He slides one down Cas’ arm, buried under three layers of clothing, and Sam wonders briefly how many times had they made actual physical contact. Slowly his hand drifts down, down, down until he gets to Cas’ hand.

Now _this_ enters more intimate territory. He gingerly traces his fingers down the side of Cas’ hand, it twitches slightly in return, either ticklish or struggling to keep still. Sam smiles and finally takes it in his. He looks up at Cas then and finds him curiously looking down at their now joined hands.

“Is this okay for you?” Sam murmurs.

Cas observes for a moment more, then he interlaces their fingers and squeezes. “Of course,” he answers equally low.

“We can start with something like this, you know,” Sam says, bringing their joined hands up. “It feels good, it’s not too complicated.”

“I will follow your lead, Sam.”

“No, you have to tell me too,” Sam says firmly. “If I do something you don’t feel comfortable with, you have to tell me, okay?”

“That is unlikely,” Cas deadpans. “But I would tell you if it were to happen.”

Sam snorts in disbelief. “Are you telling me there’s nothing I could do right now that would make you uncomfortable? Everyone has boundaries, Cas.”

“Of course, I guess anything that meant hurting me or yourself I wouldn’t approve of,” Cas says, as he thinks about it for a second. “But in terms of affection, there’s nothing that comes to mind.”

And somehow Sam's nervousness is overpowered with curiosity. “Really?” His other hand still on Cas’ shoulder travels a little upwards.

Cas hums his affirmation, closing his eyes for a second when Sam’s fingers reach the side of his neck. “Really.”

“That’s... bold,” Sam whispers.

For someone else, Castiel’s words might have sounded extremely suggestive, taking their minds to whatever wild scenarios they were normally too scared or ashamed to ask for —especially in a such a new relationship. Not Sam though. These days he can barely think about very normal things without feeling uncomfortable, never mind the kind of kinky shit Dean could probably come up with. It’s been a very long time for Sam, and he knows he will need time to warm up into a new relationship with Cas. Cas, who is definitely not innocent, but has never had this kind of relationship with a human before. 

Despite all of this somehow, because of Cas' words he feels braver than before. It makes him wonder whether he can try what he would have probably done without a second thought years ago. He swallows and manages to only take a couple of seconds before finally saying:

“So if I just go ahead and see how it feels to kiss you right now...”

“Then you had better do it before I do it myself.”

Fuck it. Just a beat away from cutting off Cas’ words, Sam leans in.

It’s just a plain press of lips, and while maybe some part of Sam was dreadfully waiting for this to make him realize he didn’t really like Castiel this way, that somehow he had been talking himself into this just to humor Cas... nothing happens.

Cas softly returns the kiss, bringing his left hand up to Sam’s side, the other still craddled tightly in Sam's own between their chests. He smells like honey soap. Sam pulls away after a second, only far enough to look down at him, slightly in awe with how natural it feels, how normal. And normal is good. Sam has a long history of craving normal.

Cas’ eyelashes flutter open and his height suddenly shortens. Sam only realizes then that he had been standing on his tiptoes, he can’t help but smile like a fool. Cute.

“Thoughts?” Cas whispers with a tiny smirk.

“Good,” Sam breaths out, feeling something untangle, another piece of the brick walls he inevitably builds around himself crumbling into dust. They had been falling for a while now. “Very good.”

“Good,” Cas repeats, he only has to tilt his head up to kiss Sam again.

It’s soft and simple, and still Sam breathes into the feeling as if he lacks oxygen, he presses into it and cups Cas’ face in both his hands.

Yes, good. Very very good.

**Author's Note:**

> Dean: bro, stop yeeting yourself away from Cas  
> Sam: mm 'kay 
> 
> So, was it good for you, guys? Leave me a comment! I'm always so darn happy to see what you all have to say, even if it's a word! Kudos are lovely too of course!


End file.
